Strategies for Survival

(Peace is the one condition of survival in this nuclear age - Adlai Stevenson)

1.  What are survival strategies

We have Charles Darwin to thank for for the principle of natural selection propounded in The Origin of Species.  Evolution would depend on the strength of survival-favouring conditions.  Fight or flight was the order of the primitive day.  Indeed, it exists in one form or another to the present time.  What also undeniably persists are the many human traits and characteristics, physiological and emotional, that derive from earlier survival activities.  To this fight or flight syndrome one may add attachment, a survival strategy that involves bonding for the purpose of protection from predators, the teaching of survival skills, and the ability to satisfy basic needs.  The “father” of stress theory, Hans Selye, added the further stress responses of adaptation or surrender to overwhelming conditions. (1) 

Eight survival strategies have been identified as Rescue (rescuing others and being rescued by others): Attachment (bonding for mutual protection); Assertiveness (goal achievement); Adaptation (goal surrender), Fight (removal of danger); Flight (escape from danger); Competition (obtaining scarce essentials); and Cooperation (creating scarce essentials). (2)

(1)   Peace of Mind is a Piece of Cake by Michael Mallows and Joe Sinclair, 1998.

(2) Source:   From Survival to Fulfillment by Paul Valent, 1998.

2.  The corruption of survival strategy morality

3.  Surviving a destructive relationship

Domestic violence victims employ a variety of survival strategies.  Battered women are survivors. Asking them why they don’t leave an abusive relationship is somewhat simplistic: It ignores the complex set of factors battered women must weigh to decide how best to protect themselves and their children. Implying that it is the responsibility of the battered woman to end the violence blames her for the abuse and does not hold the batterer accountable for his crime.

BARRIERS TO LEAVING
Quite simply, a battered woman might be told she will be killed, or her children will be killed, if she leaves or refuses to return. Past violence has taught her that his threats often translate into action. Leaving also might harm her children if he gets custody or visitation. If she is still in the relationship, she can monitor his interactions with the children. Indeed, the decision to leave an abusive relationship is not as straightforward as it might seem.

BATTERED WOMEN LEAVE ALL THE TIME
It is important to remember that battered women do escape the violence in their lives. Friends, family and a network of service providers within a  supportive community can be instrumental for a battered woman who chooses to make the overwhelmingly difficult decision to uproot her life.

What at first might appear to an outsider to be “crazy” or self-defeating behavior on the part of the victim, such as being afraid to seek the services of a battered women’s program or wanting to return to the abuser in spite of severe violence, in fact might be normal reactions to significantly frightening situations. A victim uses different strategies to cope with and resist abuse. These strategies might appear to be the result of passivity or submission, when in reality she has learned that these are sometimes successful temporary means of stopping the violence.

1 - Understanding the Dynamics
2 - Unlike Other Crimes
3 - Types of Abuse
4 - Survival Strategies
5 - Affects All Types of Women
6 - Behaviors of Batterers
7 - Can a Batterer Change?
8 - Effects on Children
9 - Advocating for Battered Women
10 - Available Services 

4.  Surviving a cancer diagnosis

It may be easier to survive a major ill-health concern than to cope with the well-intentioned, but totally inappropriate, efforts of friends and family to make light of your condition.

Rosanne Kalick is a cancer survivor.  In May 2005 her book entitled Cancer Etiquette (what to say, what to do, when someone you know or love has cancer) was published by Bookmasters in the USA.  ISBN: 0874604508

In an interview Ms Kalick described how, when she informed a close friend that she would need a double mastectomy, her friend responded: “Well at least you’ll be symmetrical”.

This attempt at humour, probably a strategy deriving from shock or embarrassment, or a mistaken belief that making light of the situation would be of help if not comfort, was quite misguided.  It was particularly hurtful to Rosanne Kalick as she had previously endured treatment for a blood cancer and had presumed that her friends would know by now how best to react.

She discussed this episode with other cancer survivors and learned that her experience was far from unique.  It is apparently quite normal to have to endure insensitive comments and awkward gestures.  There must be some approved form of behaviour to cover this situation, she thought, but could find no information on the subject.

So she wrote the book, which contains stories from other survivors and practical advice about communication strategies for friends and family.  She gives examples of what is appropriate in the way of humour, what to say and what not to say, when religious comments may be unacceptable, and what sort of mental and physical changes occur with cancer sufferers.

One of her most telling comments is: "If you did not speak about an individual's sex life, breast size or baldness before the diagnosis, what makes you think it is appropriate to ask those questions now?"

Making the occasional gaffe is going to happen, even when the person's intentions are entirely innocent, Kalick says. In the long run, it's not the gaffes that matter; it's the connection between people. Seldom does someone want to endure cancer alone.

 ■  Women are more comfortable sharing information; men tend to collect it.