Song of Hiawalpole [1]
by Joe Sinclair
This parody of Longfellow's Song of Hiawatha was written as a tribute to Audrey Walpole, the retiring chairwoman of a social club. It runs to several stanzas, being almost as long as Longfellow's original work. But only the few stanzas of the introduction are reproduced here. The verse in its entirety, consisting of another eight sections, may be found on the author's website via the link at the foot of this page.
A tribute to a chairperson, not so much retiring as retired.
INTRODUCTION
Should
you ask me, whence these members?
Whence
these spinsters and divorcees,
With
their stories of betrayals,
With
their sorrows and their hang-ups,
Whence
these newly separated,
With
the fret and fume of break-ups,
And
the bachelor contingent,
With
their deep-laid egocentrics,
As
of whistling in the kitchens?
I should answer, I should tell you,
“From
the cities and the suburbs,
From
the bounds of the Great North Ways,
From
the land of the New Southgates,
From
the land of the Cockfosters,
From
the commons, ponds and parkways,
Where
the hero, the Bob-Kurschner,
Feeds
among the pubs and taverns,
I
repeat them as I heard them
From
the lips of Jay-the-Linden,
The
musician, the sweet singer.”
Should you ask where Jay-the-Linden
Found
these songs, so wild and wayward,
Found
these legends and traditions,
I
should answer, I should tell you,
“In
the midst of Epping Forest,
In
the mumblings of the rambler,
In
the hoof-prints of the Houghton,
In
the eyrie of the Eckett!
“All the sad-folk sang them to him,
In
the Meadways and the Burroughs,
From
the melancholy Marcias;
Don-the-Bake,
the consort, sang them,
Pete-the-Loon,
the wild-Gwen, Wawa,
The
blue hero, Bob-the-Kurschner,
And
the grouse, the John-the-Rayner!”
If still further you should ask me,
Saying,
“Who was Jay-the-Linden?
Tell
us of this Jay-the-Linden.”
I
should answer your enquiries
Straightway
in such words as follows.
“In the vale of Barnet’s centre,
In
the green and silent valley,
By
the pleasant picnic-parties,
Dwelt
the singer Jay-the-Linden.
Round
about the Barnet village
Spread
the members and prospectives,
And
beyond them stood the forest,
Stood
the hordes of singing outcasts,
Brown
in Summer, blue in Winter,
Ever
sighing, ever singing.
“And the pleasant meeting places,
You
could trace them through the borough,
By
the Red Lion in the Spring-time,
By
the Green Man in the Summer,
By
the White Horse in the Autumn,
By
the Black Bull in the Winter;
And
beside them dwelt the singer,
In
the vale of Barnet’s centre,
In
the green and silent borough.
“There he sang of Hiawalpole,
Sang
the song of Hiawalpole,
Sang
her wondrous birth and being,
How
she chaired and how she voted,
How
she ruled, and toiled, and harried,
That
the Thirty-plus might prosper,
That
she might advance her members!”
Ye who love the haunts of Barnet,
Love
the sunshine of the Southgate,
Love
the shadow of the Whetstone,
Love
the wind among the Ponders,
And
the Potters and the Bushey,
And
the rushing of great traffic
Through
the palisades of zebras,
And
the thunder in High Loughton,
Whose
innumerable echoes
Flap
like Ecketts in their eyries; -
Listen
to these wild traditions,
To
this Song of Hiawalpole!
Ye who love a “single’s” legends,
Love
the ballads of a circle,
That
like voices from afar off
Call
to us to pause and listen,
Speak
in tones so plain and childlike,
Scarcely
can the ear distinguish
Whether
they are sung or spoken; -
Listen
to this Barnet Legend,
To
this Song of Hiawalpole.
Ye who sometimes in your rambles
Through
the Green-slades of the county,
Where
the tangled barberry-wardles
Hang
their tufts of crimson Beryls
Over
stone walls grey with Husseys,
Pause
by some neglected tavern,
For
a while to muse, and ponder
On
a half-effaced graffito,
Written
with little skill of song-craft,
Homely
phrases, but each letter
Full
of hope and yet of heart-break,
Full
of all the tender pathos
Of
the insecure, and weirdness; -
Stay
and read this rude graffiti,
Read
this Song of Hiawalpole.
[1] Originally performed with voice and music for participants at two social evenings of the Barnet Thirty-Plus Social Club, for whose enjoyment it had been written, it may be viewed (and heard) in its entirety at http://www.pinoman.co.uk/Hiawalpole.html . The website music is different from the music that accompanied its performance in the early 1990s, but it is hoped that it will prove enjoyable, and can always be avoided with the use of the mute control.