All You Need is Lurve
by Stephen J.M. Bray
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When
I visited my bank today my banker was quite distressed. She had been sent to the
Istanbul Hilton with colleagues and made to dress in a commando uniform.
‘The
motto is attack,’ she was taught. ‘Soon we will reach our target!’
No
wonder that she was upset. She is a beautiful radiant soul who exudes light and
laughter, and this makes me look forward to visiting the branch to pay my bills,
or deposit money.
Many
years ago I attended a seminar on marketing. The speaker informed us that people
buy to satisfy one of two needs. These are known as survival needs and growth
needs
Survival
needs include: warmth, water, food, health and company, whilst examples of
growth needs are: art, literature, education and spiritual development.
Survival
needs are said to be the most powerful motivators. More people will buy
medicines if they are ill, than in order to increase their brainpower. An
insurance salesman is far more likely to close a deal on your house insurance if
your house is on fire.
Growth
needs are less tangible, and hence less easy to define with products. Sadly
it’s much easier to sell the idea of education because it will eventually get
you a job with good remuneration, than because it broadens the mind. People of
course do enjoy meals in a pleasant ambiance, and attend concerts ~ but they
move far faster when threatened.
Today
when I heard of my banker’s adventure the truth hit me ~ truly fear or growth
are only different rays of love. And love is the greatest motivator in the
universe.
Indeed
when couples come complaining that their beloved once represented everything
beautiful and noble and then, once married to them, or perhaps some years
down the line, they now have a different nature, I think that they are wrong.
They
saw them correctly the first time before relatives and friends conditioned them
with a checklist of expectations to fulfil the role of good man or good wife.
Life
may be a sexually transmitted disease that is inevitably fatal, to paraphrase R.D.
Laing. But love is not a mental illness in which all the primary defence
mechanisms are activated. It’s not that we project our rejected quality onto
another and fall for our reflection. Nor is it that we deny objective faults in
our partner in order to make them our beloved. They are as they are perfect, and
like a mother with a newborn we see our partner with innocent love. For a while
the mind is unconditioned and the world is perfect just as it is, including
suffering and terrorism. That’s what it’s like to be in love.
It
changes when our conditioning once more exerts a grip. ‘Enough of love,’ the
world says, ‘Get a grip.’ And we find ourselves on a cold damp night once
again queuing for a bus.
Truly
the battle is not between survival needs in which we are motivated by pain, and
growth needs in which we are motivated by pleasure. The battle is between the
conditioned mind and unconditional love, which releases the mind to its
unconditioned state.
To
love is to be truly selfish, for in love we embrace the universe and recognise
it as a complete reflection of who we are. To love the universe and
those in it is to abound in true self-love. Not the withered love of a single
body or mind, which is the perverted love of narcissism, but a true love that
embraces all.
My banker need not have suffered through her mock commando training. Indeed she could have taught her ‘trainers’ a thing or two.
Stephen
Bray was born in Dorset and educated at Blandford Grammar School, and
Universities in Plymouth, Manchester, Santa Cruz and London. He currently lives
in Istanbul. Trained in the arts of dynamic therapy, family therapy, gestalt,
process oriented psychology and NLP, he now spends his time supporting those who
wish to help others. Details of his work and his contact information may be
found at www.quietquality.com
Email: stephenbray@quietquality.com